And the Wolf Fell in Love with the Star
by Cheeky Slytherin Lass
Summary: Collection of nonlinear Wolfstar drabbles and oneshots:: 7. Remus turns to letter writing in hopes of finding closure
1. Grim

_For the Ship Wars Competition (RemusSirius vs RemusTonks)_

* * *

Sirius paces back and forth, wringing his hands together. Remus watches, helpless.

"All those years in Azkaban," Sirius grumbles, kicking the leg of a chair and sending it crashing against the wall. "All those years in a bloody prison, and I'm back in my childhood prison."

"Sirius…"

Sirius shakes his head. "From one prison to another, Moony. Just when I thought I was done with this blasted place. I feel like the universe is playing a sick trick on me."

With a sigh, Remus grabs him by the wrists. The effect is instantaneous. Sirius slows to a halt, nearly tumbling from the sudden stop. His body relaxes ever so slightly at the touch, and his face softens.

"I sound like a child, don't I?" Sirius sighs.

"You always sound like a child," Remus points out, his lips quirking into a smile.

"How do you put up with me, Moony?"

Remus laughs, shaking his head. "Believe me. It's a lot of hard work. But I've had plenty of practice."

"I've just always hated this place. It's a big, fat reminder that I wasn't good enough for my family. All those years spent trying to escape, and now…" Sirius waves his hands in a helpless gesture.

Remus pulls him close, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?" Sirius asks, brows raised, a goofy grin on his lips.

"Just making Grimmauld Place a little less grim."


	2. Not a Date

_For the Shipping War Competition_

* * *

"Well," Sirius says, a pleased smile on his lips as they approach the Fat Lady's portrait, "I must say that this was an amazing first date. And look at me! Walking you back to our dormitory like a proper gentleman."

He doesn't have to look at the other boy to know that Remus is rolling his eyes. "What are you on about? First date? We were in the library, studying."

"I asked what your ideal first date was. You said 'Shut up, Sirius. I'm studying.', so logic says that your ideal first date is me keeping my mouth shut while you fill that pretty little head of yours with knowledge."

Remus stops abruptly. Sirius turns to him, and the feeling of triumph when he sees Remus' exasperation is almost overwhelming. Really, it shouldn't be so easy.

"You're an idiot."

"But an idiot who had a great first date," Sirius says with a nod, a grin stretching across his face.

With a roll of his eyes, Remus shakes his head. "Your logic is terrible. Even I wouldn't consider a study session to be an ideal first date," he says.

"Oh? Well, now that you're actually paying attention, what is?"

For emphasis, he pulls out his quill and forces his face into a composed expression as he mimics taking notes. "Talk slowly, Moony. I don't want to miss anything."

"It starts out with a picnic by the lake," Remus says as Sirius pretends to write this down. "Nothing fancy, just enough to show that you know what I like."

"Chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate," Sirius murmurs with a serious nod as he continues his pretend scribbling.

"Afterwards, if you're brave enough, we could take a quick swim with the Giant Squid."

"Immediately after eating? I'm not sure that cramping and drowning will be good. I mean, it would be memorable, at least."

If Remus hears him, he shows no sign of it. "We'll return to the castle. As you walk me to our dormitory, you must certainly will not be a perfect gentleman."

Sirius nearly drops his quill at that. His brows raise as he searches the other boy's face for any indication of a joke, but Remus betrays nothing.

"Assuming James and Peter are in the dormitory, we throw them out and enjoy dessert in private."

Now, Sirius does drop his quill. His eyes widen in disbelief. Remus- his precious little sweet, innocent, pure Remus- can't possibly have such devious ideas in that pretty head of his. "Wait."

"You asked. I answered. The only thing left to decide is if you're brave enough," Remus says with a wink before walking off.

Sirius stares after him, gobsmacked. His mouth opens and closes, but the words refuse to come out. "You're serious?" he finally manages.

"No. You're Sirius."

Sirius sprints to catch up. "When did you become so mischievous, Moony?" he demands.

"I might be quiet, but I am still a Marauder."

"Saturday sound good?"

"Not sooner?"

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you have a dark side. Give me a break."


	3. Commitment

"Do you think they've got the right idea?" Sirius asks, leaning against an old oak tree as James and Lily share their first dance as husband and wife.

"They love each other. War is swiftly approaching with each passing day," Remus says with a shrug. "You can hardly blame them for wanting to speed up the process since…"

He lets the sentence die. They're both aware of the truth. Wars have casualties, and none of them are promised to see its end. But neither dare to voice it.

"I love you," Sirius says. "I'm assuming you love me, otherwise the past two years of snogging you senseless could be a bit awkward."

Remus snorts. "Don't worry, Padfoot. I love you," he assures him, nervously plucking a leaf from one of the low hanging branches. "Are you suggesting we follow their example and get married?"

Color tints Sirius' cheeks. Remus doesn't think he's ever seen the infamously confident Sirius Black blush.

"I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't want to regret not making that sort of commitment to you if anything…"

Again, the sentence hangs unfinished, the thought too terrible to complete.

"You said you aren't the marrying type," Remus reminds him.

"I'm not. But I'd make an exception for you."

Remus feels the butterflies erupt inside his stomach, a thousand wings tickling his insides. It's a lovely thought, but he knows Sirius better than that. Even though Sirius loves him, he also loves his freedom. He might be willing to sacrifice that for Remus, but Remus isn't going to let him.

"Commitment isn't just about marriage," Remus says quietly. "You don't have to marry someone to spend the rest of your life with them. It's a nice gesture, but marriage is just a fancy little ordeal that isn't actual necessary."

"You're saying you don't want to marry me?"

"I never said that. I would marry you in a heartbeat. But you aren't the marrying type, Sirius. We both know it. You don't need to tie yourself to me in order to be with me."

"Oh," Sirius says, and Remus smiles at the relief in his voice. "So, what do we do?"

Remus wraps his arms around him, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his lips. "Stay with me," he whispers. "Be mine and only mine. Come home to me every night. Stay by my side until the very end."

Sirius pulls him closer so that there is no space left between them. He kisses Remus hard and deep, pressing him against the tree. In that moment, Remus forgets about the wedding and the war, forgets about anything that isn't Sirius. "I will always be yours, Moony," Sirius whispers.


	4. Dramatic

Remus groans as he opens his eyes. His whole body feels stiff and sore, as it does after every full moon. Slowly, he sits up, ignoring the straining protests from his muscles.

"Good morning, sunshine," Sirius says brightly.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Remus asks, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Sirius shrugs. "You're higher on my priorities list," he says simply, a crooked grin on his lips. "Are you complaining?"

Remus shakes his head, wincing at the burning in his neck from the motion. "Not complaining," he assures him quickly. "But McGonagall might."

"Minnie loves me," Sirius says with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Remus rolls his eyes. "She didn't love you the last time you skived off classes."

"But I'm sick. My poor boyfriend is in the hospital wing, suffering alone in his recovery! I'm heartsick. James and Peter will back me up."

Remus doubts McGonagall will buy it, but he doesn't voice his skepticism. He reaches out and takes Sirius' hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Your poor boyfriend is perfectly capable of being alone," he says with a laugh. "But I appreciate your company."

"Appreciate? You just appreciate me, Moony?" Sirius gasps with a mock pout. "After all we've been through, and I'm just _appreciated."_

"Fine. I love your company just as much as I love you," Remus says, rolling his eyes. "Would it kill you to not be dramatic?"

"I don't know. Never tried it. Wouldn't want to risk it."

Remus starts to answer, but Madam Pomfrey rushes over, her kindly face stern. "Mr. Lupin needs to rest," she says firmly. "He doesn't need-"

"But I'm sick!" Sirius insists. "Burning up! Pretty sure I have a nasty fever."

The Healer's face softens. She presses her hand to Sirius' forehead. "You don't feel warm to me," she says.

"No? Maybe it's just being so close to Remus that has me all hot and bothered."

Madam Pomfrey looks like she wants to smack Sirius. Remus can't help but to admire the way she manages to keep her composure. "He needs rest, Mr. Black," she says dryly. "Come back after lunch when he's had more time to recover."

Sirius offers her a salute before jumping to his feet. He leans down and kisses Remus' forehead. "Sadly, my love, the forces of this world are keeping us apart."

"Dramatic," Remus teases.

"Horribly so," the Healer murmurs.

"Don't fret, my pet. I will be back for you," he says, gripping Remus' hand.

Remus tries not to giggle, but he fails. All he can do is nod.

"Until we meet again, my prince!" Sirius concludes. He bows to Madam Pomfrey. "Take care of my heart, dear woman. For I leave him with you."

When he's gone, Madam Pomfrey shakes her head, grinning. "He's something else, isn't he?"

"He's in a league of his own," Remus agrees, leaning back against his pillow.

"At least you're smiling. I remember the first few years of caring for you. You didn't smile much back then," she says, handing him a potion. "I think he's good for you."

Remus quickly drains the vial and nods. "I think he is."


	5. Flimsy Excuse

"Hey!" Remus cries as strong hands grip him and pull him through the door. "What do you think you're-"

The sentence dies, and he scowls when he realizes it's just Sirius. "Kidnapping me?" he sighs, massaging his temples. "Really, Sirius? That's your idea of romance?"

Sirius doesn't even bother to look contrite. He closes the door behind him and steps closer, a smug smirk on his lips. "Some magazine Lily reads says that being spontaneous is the key to keeping romance alive," he says simply.

With a roll of his eyes, Remus snorts and shakes his head. "Kidnapping is a crime, not a spontaneous romantic gesture."

"Will you stop calling it kidnapping, Moony? You're ruining the vibe."

Remus grins and sits on top of one of the desks. It's something he would never dare do with a professor present, and even now, with only Sirius around, it feels strange. "Fine. You have spontaneously captured me and brought me to an empty classroom," he says. "Now what?"

"Empty classroom, two boys in love," Sirius says, trailing his finger across Remus' lips. "Hmmm. I wonder."

He leans in, his fingers tangling in Remus' hair. For a moment, Remus forgets how to breathe. It amazes him that after a year of dating, Sirius can still have that effect on him.

Sirius pulls him closer, their lips meeting in a deep kiss. Remus closes his eyes before pulling away. "We shouldn't do this here," he whispers.

"Well, James is reciting bad poetry in the dormitory, so that's out. Unless you'd like to hear him rhyme 'Evans' with 'heavens' every two seconds."

Remus purses his lips in thought. Calling James' poetry is generous. Remus doesn't think he can stomach it. "Worth the risk, then," he decides.

Sirius captures his mouth again, and Remus doesn't resist. He allows himself to forget that they shouldn't be here, that he's supposed to be studying, that the world is still moving outside the classroom. Time seems to stop, and he melts into the kiss, pulling Sirius closer and wrapping his legs around Sirius' waist.

In this moment, nothing else matters, nothing else exists. Rules mean nothing. Classes and studying are alien to him. All that he can see, all that he can feel is Sirius.

He leans back, the desk scraping noisily against the floor as Sirius moves with him. Somehow, he can't bring himself to care about the noise.

"Sirius," he whispers.

"Ahem!"

The two of them break apart, turning to see Professor McGonagall. Remus stares pointedly at his feet, unable to meet her gaze.

"Would either of you care to explain why two members of my House are sneaking around in empty classrooms?" she asks, her voice thin and dangerous.

"I was looking for my Charms notes," Sirius says, and in spite of how flimsy the excuse is, his confidence is impressive. "I lost them in the corridor, thought I saw a bit of parchment, and-"

"I can assure you, Mr. Black, that your notes cannot be found in Mr. Lupin's mouth."

"Just trying to look at this from all angles," Sirius insists, and Remus groans.

"Fifteen points from Gryffindor. Now, out."

The two climb to their feet, and scurry away before she decides to take away more points or throw them in detention.

"Looking for your Charms notes?" Remus snorts. "How did that sound like a good excuse for snogging me?"

"You can understand my confusion. You are rather charming."


	6. Battle of the Chair

"That's my chair," Sirius says stubbornly.

Remus barely glances up from his book. "Sirius, there are plenty of places to sit in the common room," he says, turning the page.

"Yeah, but that's mine," Sirius insists.

Remus rolls his eyes and continues reading, not bothering to argue with him.

"It's by the fireplace. Nice and cozy, perfect spot to scheme."

"Perfect spot to relax and read, too," Remus says patiently, scowling as he loses he spot on the page. "At least, it would be if _someone_ would stop distracting me."

He regrets his words the moment they leave his lips. Sirius chuckles and moves closer, tracing his finger down Remus' neck. Taking a deep breath, Remus forces himself to focus.

"It won't work, Sirius," he says, and his voice is strong despite the flutter in his stomach.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Sirius…"

Sirius pulls his hand away and leans in, brushing his lips over Remus' neck now. Remus clenches his jaw, trying not to react. He hates it when Sirius teases him. It isn't fair that a person can drive a rational man mad so easily.

Still, Remus keeps his eyes on his book. The words seem to jumble together, forming nonsensical strings of letters.

"I'm sorry, Moony. Am I making it hard to concentrate?" Sirius whispers in his ear with forced and unconvincing innocence.

Remus presses his lips into a tight, thin line, refusing to answer. He reads a line for the third time, still unable to comprehend.

"Hmmm. I wonder," Sirius murmurs, pulling away.

For a brief moment, Remus thinks that maybe Sirius has given. He sighs in relief, pinching the bridge of nose and closing his eyes, trying to gather his sentence. His eyes open again as he feels a sudden weight on the chair's arm. "What the hell are you doing?" he gasps as climbs over the arm and into Remus' lap.

"You're in my chair," Sirius answers simply, adjusting his body so that's he's sprawled over Remus, his legs dangling over the side from the knees down. "I wanted it back."

"You're being ridiculous."

"I'm being comfortable. I can scheme, and you can read."

"I can barely even see my book."

A smirk plays at Sirius' lips. "That's hardly my problem, is it?" he laughs.

Remus rolls his eyes and adjusts his arms, pulling the book out from under Sirius' back and resting it on his stomach. "Don't squirm," he says, finding his spot and continuing to read.

Sirius stretches out, yawning lazily. "See? Was it really so hard to just cooperate with me?" he asks, reaching up and ruffling his boyfriend's hair.

"Room for one more?" James asks, rushing over and sitting on the arm by Sirius' head. "This is my favorite spot to think."

"It is a nice spot," Peter agrees, leaning against the back.

With a groan, Remus lets the book drop to the floor.


	7. Dear Sirius

_Written for Chutes and Ladders Challenge (furry little problem) and Ultimate Patronus Quest (Anteaters: Write a letter fic)_

* * *

 _Sirius,_

 _Remember you and the others called it my furry little problem? It was so cute, so funny. I could almost deal with the pain of it. Hell, I could deal with it because I had my friends and boyfriend to keep me company._

 _But you took that away from me. James and Lily are dead because of your betrayal. Even Peter is dead. Blimey, Peter. He could never hurt a fly, and you murdered him._

 _Now the moon is almost full, and I can feel it in my bones. My first transformation alone in years is coming up, and it's your fault._

 _I hate you._

 _-Remus_

* * *

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _I don't know why I keep writing to you. I don't even know if they allow post in Azkaban. Not that it matters. It isn't like I'm going to send these anyway._

 _They say that writing letters without sending them can be therapeutic, that it can give you closure. I don't know who "they" are, but I think they're full of shit._

 _I don't feel better for writing to you._

 _I'm not an angry man. I never have been. But all I feel when I think of you is hatred._

 _We were supposed to have a life together. You ruined it._

 _I hate you._

 _-Remus_

* * *

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _I keep using the word "hate", but it's not true. I wish it could be._

 _You ruined my life. And yet there's this part of me that still loves you. It isn't fair. You shouldn't have that sort of hold on me. I shouldn't feel so conflicted by you._

 _I wish I could hate you. But I don't._

 _-Remus_

* * *

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _I feel like an idiot. I should have known that you weren't a traitor. But there was so much proof._

 _I don't know how you can still love me. I've spent so many years blaming you, trying to hate you, and yet you still want me._

 _I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you somehow. I know that you tell me not to worry about it, but I do. I should have known better._

 _I love you._

 _-Remus_

* * *

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _You're gone. I had you. I honestly believed that I could keep you._

 _And you're gone._

 _Losing you the first time hurt like hell. But this? This is something else. I keep waiting for the world to catch fire, for everything to crumble. And yet I'm still here. And you're not._

 _We had a future together, you and me. We were supposed to see this war through. We were supposed to live happily ever after until the end of time._

 _And you're gone. And the world keeps spinning. And I don't know what to do anymore._

 _I hate you for leaving me alone. I hate you for being a noble idiot who just had to fight._

 _But worst of all, I love you. And I don't think I will ever stop._

 _-Remus_

* * *

The words on the parchment are barely legible, written with an unsteady hand and stained with tears.

Remus folds the letter, placing it on top of the countless others that he's never sent, that he'll never have the chance to now.

He had wanted closure. He still hasn't found it.

With a sigh, he tucks them away.

Maybe some day.


End file.
